Jeannette's Reflection

UFC

2011-08-13T10:07:00.002-06:00

There is nothing more true than the bible verse that Gabriel is currently memorizing about children being sinful from the time their mother conceived them.
This morning I found Emmanuelle, (who up until now, has had it so easy inside my womb), in a regular fighting match with herself. I can only hope she's battling against her sinful thoughts rather than waiting to enter the world with unsuspecting parents in a state of shock at her exploding temper.
At least then she'll live up to her name :)
For heaven's sake, Gregg and I will need God to be with us.

28 weeks and counting...

2011-07-22T14:19:00.004-06:00

Last week I went to Laguna Beach for my last trip w/o a baby to care for. Unfortunately, the trip wasn't as relaxing as I thought it would be, since large hotels corospond with lots of walking. This has been precisely my problem the last few weeks with my Braxton Hicks contractions flaring out of control. My doctor told me that I "should" be on bed-rest, but will let me go to California on one condition: No Long Walks.

This didn't happen since the beach is quite the hike down a steep hill from the Ritz Carlton. I can't pass up the beach!

Now I'm home and exhausted and happy to see my husband. I'll be going on one more trip with Sonja's family and Gregg up to Canyon Fairy, where Jeff A. is taking us sailing overnight. I'm very excited about this :)

Pregnancy at 24 weeks.

2011-06-19T23:04:00.003-06:00

So the time of wonderful, happy and comfortable mom has been a swift one. Reaching 24 weeks as of this past thursday has been the turning point of this pregnancy. Emmanuelle (which is what Gregg and I have firmly decided on as our child's name), has been doing the da Vinci stance:
Not a pleasant feeling as you can imagine :)

I've been having Braxton Hicks contractions frequently which makes standing or walking not very fun after a while.
I'll try to upload another video soon :)

"Behind a frowning providence, He hides a smiling face"

2011-04-02T21:59:00.004-06:00

I'm feeling a little under the weather lately. Headaches (which are very rare for me), are now common morning events. Also I've been slightly nauseous the last couple of days. Of course I can still get around, but leaving the house a little tough at times: "Boo".
But I must say that the highlight of my evening was watching Wives and Daughters with my husband, who enjoys these "good" dramas as much as I do. In the middle of the movie, the sun peaked its shining face through the windy thunderstorm we just had, and shown a brilliant pink color in the clouds hovering around the Bridgers.
"Behind a frowning providence, He hides a smiling face"

My first OB app.

2011-03-22T21:08:00.002-06:00

Yesterday was my first OB appointment and it went fabulous. I heard my baby's heartbeat for the very first time and this is what the doctor said,
"Some people say you can generally tell if it's a girl if the heartbeat is above 179, and you can tell if it's a boy if it's below 168. So congratulations my dear! Your baby is at 174, so we have absolutely no idea what the sex is!"
I laughed.

Of course I didn't expect to know the sex of my child this early on, and besides, without definite proof, I wouldn't want to get my expectations up on someone's "hunch".
People have asked me what sex I would prefer, and though it's hard to say, since I'd be ecstatic with either one, I must confess that I have a stronger desire for a girl. My only reasoning is: Boys tend to leave the family and marry girls and have less, "father/mother" connections than girls do throughout their lifetime. This only comes from the little observation that I've had over the past few years.
Maybe this isn't true, but even still, girls would be more fun to shop for :)

My doctor confirmed that I am, as of yesterday, 11 weeks prego. A video will soon follow :)

Lake of Fire

2011-03-12T22:42:00.004-07:00

Gregg and I just watched a wonderful movie this evening called "Lake of Fire". It's a documentary about abortion in America and serves a fairly unbiased hand with interviews ranging from right-winged fundamentalists who take the law into their own hands, to Professor Peter Singer who believes that abortion can take place from even a month after full term. My husband and I were most impressed that this film especially showed those in between; where the Pro-choice individuals aren't portrayed as Satan-worshipers, nor Pro-life individuals portrayed as Bible-thumping, women-suppressing zealots.
Be warned. Graphic images from both Pro-choice as well as Pro-life organizations are sprinkled through this movie. So don't watch it if you have a weak stomach.

Pregnancy "Week 9"

2011-03-12T13:24:00.001-07:00

This week at the V's.

2011-03-09T09:07:00.003-07:00

This week, my baby is entering the 9th week of life. And although my nausea has subsided, I have been starting new and even stranger symptoms of pregnancy. Night sweating. Sometimes it gets so bad that I am freezing because I'm sleeping in damp sheets and have to change my clothes. But of course I would rather deal with this than a nauseous sleep monster.

Gregg and I are trying to just get through the rest of this week unscathed. Once Sunday rolls around we are off to Billings to visit family. I am so exited to spend more than a few hours at home before I have to drive back to Bozeman. Hooray!

Marriage Life - An introduction

2011-03-04T08:58:00.010-07:00

So seeing as I haven't written on my blog for a million years, (a year and a half to be precise), I'm starting up again now that I'm married.
This huge transition in my life has had me on a roller-coaster since day 1 and I think it would do me good to share them with those I care about.
First let me introduce you:
This is Gregg.

Gregg has 4 loves in his life.
#1. The church
#2. Biking
#3. Sushi
#4 Oh yeah, and then me :)...not necessarily in that order :)

He and I met at church, and one of the first things I noticed about him was his love for the gospel and the church body. I've learned that he is super easy going, very easy to talk to, and humble. On March 2nd, he turned 44, as having lived much of his life alone, he is a bit of an independant. But being married now only 62 days, I am shocked at how he can so easily change his way of thinking and living. One of Gregg's quotes is:
"Just because I'm used to a certain way, doesn't mean I should be that way."
Me hearing Gregg say this before and after our marriage, lets me know that he is committed to making this relationship work, even if we have to slice off certain habits of both of our lives. And that, is the #1 reason that I love him.

This is me, "post" marriage.

As you can see I am laying in bed...again. Why? Well as most of you know already, I am prego with a human being inside of me! It is a strange feeling and has cause me to rethink the color choices in my living room about 6 different times.

This is baby at only 6 weeks!
Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

2009-11-14T10:41:00.004-07:00

I've been pretty depressed for the past 3 weeks. A darkness that I haven't been able to rid myself of, has been weighing on my shoulders. I would pray and I felt like God couldn't, or wouldn't listen to me. I've been scared sleeping in my own bed and couldn't explain why. I have cried every day for the past three weeks and can't stop. Until yesterday I drove to Helena to visit the Steve and Via and the church. Yesterday was the first day that I didn't cry.
Lastnight, as I lay in the beautiful room that Via prepared for me, in the warm bed that their son gave up for me, I read Psalm 20.

"May the Lord answer you when you are in distress;
May the name of the God of Jacob protect you.
May He send you help from the sanctuary
and grant you support from Zion.
May he remember all your sacrifices
and accept all your burnt offerings.

May he give you the desire of your heart
and make all your plans succeed.
We will shout for joy when you are victorious.
and will lift up our banners in the name of our God.
May the Lord grant all your requests.

Now I know that the Lord saves his anointed;
He answers him from his holy heaven
with the saving power of his right hand.
Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.
They are brought to their knees and fall,
but we raise up and stand firm.
O Lord, save the King!
Answer us when we call.

It's pretty amazing right?
My outward situation hasn't changed, but now I know that God is listening.
How? Because He *told me that He is.
Praise God from whom all blessings flow, and anoints my head with oil.

Ande

2009-11-12T09:31:00.002-07:00

Ande came and left already and is now at home. It was such a delight to have her, I cannot even express. She came after being in Slovakia for the same amount of time that I was there, 11 months. To hear her stories and things she went through and the things we went through together during the 6 months I was with her...was good for the soul.

I'm sorry to see her go, but now real life starts again....for both of us :)

John Lennon

2009-11-12T09:29:00.001-07:00

So I posted my songs on the John Lennon national song-writers competition. We'll see what happens since I have to wait until march 2010 to find out results :)
Oh well :)

AM-PM

2009-10-06T20:57:00.004-06:00

So this morning I woke up at 5:30 in order to be out the door by 6 in order to open Inches A Weigh at 6:30. I arrived in the bitter cold since Montana just received its first snowfall for this autumn the previous day.

AM - It was dark.

I worked that morning until about 10:30 when I realized that my schedule actually started at 2pm-8pm.
So I bolted out the door and went home. I ate my breakfast at around 11:00, tried to take a nap (didn't work), got up and made my website, then went back to work at 2pm.

By this time I was pretty upset since I already lifted weights every 5 min for 4 hours straight, and counseled women who pummel me with their problems. And now, now I am driving back to work for another 6 hours of this.
So I prayed through my frustration over my stupidity in overlapping my schedule and the Lord answered my selfish prayer.
I worked and drove home.

PM - It was dark.

Now I am home and thank God for getting me through this day.
There is nothing so nice as tearing off your constraining clothes from your work day, getting into baggy sweats, taking your shoes and make-up off, and having a nice cup of steamy goodness.

Woopsie

2009-10-06T20:53:00.002-06:00

So, since I'm kinda stupid at blogs and am proud of myself for even writing on it, I can't seem to figure out how to put my music (which is now on my itunes) onto my blog. So I made an even stupider (not a word I know) website which has my music on it, and will have all future compositions on it as well.

So the website is:

http://anyajeannette.googlepages.com/mymusic

Any problems: (other than the bad recording and bad writer) let me know and I'll try to fix it.

Something New

2009-10-03T22:24:00.002-06:00

Ok, well here is something new. Now that I'm home and figuring out what to do with my life. I've found myself writing some songs. Yes, songs, which means I have to sings **scary**. I'm really not brave enough to put them on facebook to hear feedback from people which automatically means youtube is out of the question. Maybe it's because I don't want feedback yet or just wanted someone to hear.
I don't really know who has access to my blog, but I know maybe at least 1 or 2 people look at it occasionally. So whoever you are, here's my **very sensitive and very personal songs. I'm sending them out into the void. Nech sa Paci.

BTW I'll be putting them up maybe tomorrow

Potrebujem kavu teraz Kris.

2009-07-01T09:42:00.005-06:00

How do I feel? It's been almost 2 months that I've been home. Processing everything was a bit confusing for the first couple weeks since I think I expected everything to be differnet, but it wasn't...all the same loving family, the same beautiful skies...
On the other hand, everything had also changed, but in very slight ways.
I didn't really feel like it was home anymore, more like I was just staying at "'home" for a while.

Pretty soon after coming home, Mom, Dad and I flew to Albuquerque for my cousins wedding. I haven't seen my cousin David for about 15 years. He didn't recognize me when I congratulated him, but wow, it was great seeing him!
This picture is of my 91 year old grandfather. He is doing so well and looks incredibly handsome with his beautiful embroidered shirt for the wedding.

After returning from NM I had a job waiting for me at Inches-a-Weigh. It's a gym for only women and is directed towards a lifestyle change. So they administer menus and provide cardio work-out and muscle muscle resistant machines. I really enjoy the women I work with and though the hours are only part-time right now, they'll pick up probably in September or even August.

Overall, I'm glad to be home. I'm glad I am apart of a church that would sacrifice to help send me to Slovakia and let me serve the church there. I miss everyone in Slovakia so much and talking to Kristian today made me want to be at the Lundgaards and drink Kris' coffee, listen to Paula sing, get "bingoed by Ethan" and Kristian practice his piano.
**good times.

SIX days and counting.

2009-05-01T05:56:00.004-06:00

Whoa, can you believe it? It has been 10 months since I left Billings and I am on my way home in 6 days. Though I'm happy to see my family, church family and friends, I feel intense sadness because I have made wonderful, never-forgetting friendships here in Slovakia.
Do some of you at RMCC remember me standing up in church and praying for: #1 My ministry, #2 Not being overwhelmed with missing home, #3 My team members would be kindred spirits/We would work well together?
Well God answered my prayer more than I could have imagined. I am tearing up thinking about how much I love everyone here, and how much love they gave to me.
Coming alone to a foreign country without knowing a single person before-hand is a scary thing for me. Especially coming for a long period of time, since you kinda don't have a choice about "making it work".
Here is a list of prayers answered and blessings given without me even asking for them. Some of you will remember the full stories behind these from previous blogs:

1. Sitting in the airport in Vienna without any contacts and not speaking German not knowing if I would have to sleep in the airport. **i pray** 5 min later, Dan finds me and my team takes me into Slovakia. I am safe.
2. My work visa info is all wrong, I need an lost letter to somehow arrive in the mail by tomorrow, or I will be deported to Croatia. **I pray on my knees and cry**, the next day my letter comes. I am safe.
3. I am worried about my housemates since I must get along with them. God provides Miriam to be my mentor and housemate. She is kind, loving and ridiculously easy to live with.
4. The Lundgaards decide to love me as a daughter and allow me to paint for them and play the piano to my hearts content.
5. Kristian and Ethan (their sons) bring so much joy during my stay in Slovakia. I am no longer embarrassed of my wobbly bits. My bingo arms are up for grabs.
6. Gina is a great encourager and has shown uncompromised love for the Slovak students and teachers she ministers to. She prays for them daily and puts relationships first. I always felt cared for and loved by her.
7. I had the most amazing prayer answered when the Frederes came to Slovakia to join our team. They both were wonderful encouragers and counseled me with the gospel when I needed it the most. God cares for me and used them to be HIS instruments.
8. The first 4 months, the language overwhelmed me and my motivation was shut off. I prayed to the Lord to give me the desire, and he did. The language continues to come easier to me and I can find joy in the little hills that I overcome.
9. I prayed that missing my family would never kill my joy or interfere with my ministry.
10. I prayed in April of 2008 if I could stay in Slovakia for 11 months. God said "no". I came to Slovakia with joy about my work for 5 months, when God decided to say "yes". Through the kindness of Kris, he fundraised on my behalf and my time in Slovakia was extended to 10 months!
11. Through the kindness of John Lesondak, I was allowed to go to the Area Retreat in Spain with MTW. Though my time was coming to a close, this time was wonderful for our team to work some logistics out for the future of the team as well as a debrief for my mission. I even got to see missionaries that are friends with our church and be spiritually uplifted through this conference.
12. I got to visit with my sister Sarah and the twins when I was stopping off in Stansted airport for an hour on my way home from Spain. I didn't even ask for this, but God blessed me with this opportunity.
13. I prayed that God would provide some more Slovak conversation classes that would allow me to develop relationships. The next week I had 7.
14. The Gregoires were great examples of a family that puts God first. Their ministry in Slovakia is amazing from the testimonies of those in Spacince and Trnava. They seem to make an impression wherever they go, and the gospel shines through them as they rejoice in all circumstances....and keep having kids in all circumstances. :) haha I adore every last one :)

There are many more...but even this list shows how much God remembers His children. I only hope I can remember HIS blessings for me and praise His name even through struggles, since His will is always accomplished in my life, even if it seems otherwise from my immature, human perspective.

Photo shoot

2009-04-15T02:01:00.018-06:00

Easter In Slovakia.

2009-04-12T07:45:00.007-06:00

After the Service, we had an adorable egg hunt for the kids. Here are a few pix:

Easter in Slovakia

2009-04-12T07:26:00.004-06:00

JESUS IS NOT DEAD!! Ježiš je neni mrtvy!!

Here is a little conversation I wrote (po slovenski) about Easter.

Person 1:Kde Ježiš?
Person 2:On je v hropke.
Person 1:Prečo?
Person 2:Ježiš je mrtvz lebo my hrešiť.
Person 1:Mame veľa hriech, takže potrebujeme Boha a Ježiš teraz!!!
Person 2:Ale Ježiš je v hropke? Ako može nam pomahať?
Person 1:Ježiš pomôže lebo on neni mrtvy.
Person 2:Fakt? On spi?
Person 1:Nie.Ježiš je teraz v nebi a on sedi vpravo dlan z Bohu
Person 2:Samozrejme, Dakujem Boh, lebo Ježiš zije.

This is about a person asking how Jesus can help us sinners since he is dead. But the other person says he is alive. :)
Before our service at the Building, we had a Sunrise service in a field near the Lundgaards. It was really early, but very well done. The sunrise was beautiful and you can see again the majesty of a brand new day, life and soul through the Christ that lives :)

3:30, 4:30? Why am I up this early?

2009-04-12T06:47:00.003-06:00

No, this footage is NOT of an exotic jungle. This is a nighttime bird special, of Na Hlinach's parking lot where, from 7 stories up, you can listen to the birds who rudely woke me up the other night.
If you look close enough, you can see the reflection off the car windows (probably the only thing keeping this from looking like a clip from PBS Nature program.

Isaiah 56

2009-03-24T05:54:00.004-06:00

Salvation for others??

I came upon this passage the other day when I was on a roll after reading my favorite Isaiah passage, chapter 55.
This passage jumped out at me with its explicit description of the rewards given to those who aren't even apart of God's family, yet who have kept his commands. Even keeping the sabbath is extremely important to God! Yeah, yeah, He made it holy and commanded us to rest on that day, but sometimes I have a hard time thinking of that as a command.
I think of it more like your good friend saying, "I command you to spend some time for yourself and recuperate!"
You listen, laugh and do what you want anyway, but are thankful for the concern.

But the fact is, resting isn't just about ourselves and about us to "take time for ourselves". God wants a day set aside that He can have intimate fellowship with us; resting in the Lord, fellowship with Him and other believers, and restoring our focus back to HIM in order to prepare us for another work week.
The last verse speaks of God drawing into his fold even more than are already gathered. His plan is so much larger than we can even imagine! I am so humbled and encouraged being a missionary in SK and continuing to be one when I return home. This should give me boldness in speaking the gospel since God's plan extends beyond my weak imagination :)

Teraz Po Slovenski

2009-02-27T05:53:00.002-07:00

Prepac, moja slovenčinu je velmy zly.

Ježis je môj kamarat a myslim že on je len môj Boh. Ako je môj Ježis môj Boh? Napriklad, možno som smutna, alebo nahanavena, alebo štasna, Ježis lubi ma každy dén, každy mesiac a každy rok. Takže Ježis je najlepši.

Answered Prayers

2009-02-18T07:35:00.006-07:00

Though they are not fully answered, at least my prayers are half/answered in part by the help of some great team leaders. They are so helpful and after a long 1x 1 (more like 1 x 2) meeting this morning, they are confident in finding the solution to both of my previous prayer requests. :)
Thank you LORD!

Another prayer that was answered today (that I didn't even officially get around to praying yet), was getting 2 more conversation students. Now I have 4 English Conversation students! The first two girls I've had for about 4 months, but was unofficially praying for the opportunity to know two other girls that God had also placed on my heart.
Then a few weeks ago my roommate and I went to Spacince to help Dan in his "booming" conversation class. Ande and I both took a group of about 5 girls and (it just so happends) that both of the girls that God put on my heart were both there! Up until then, I had only had a few glances and brief introductions.
Well as I came back from lunch this afternoon, they were both waiting for me at my work and asked to be apart of my personal conversation class on tuesdays!
I am so thankful :)

Much Needed prayer

2009-02-17T08:38:00.005-07:00

I just finished 4 weeks of "English through Art" class that I held at The Building. It was more of a quick class that wasn't advertised very well, so we only had a few students. But overall, it went very well and two of them will be even attending our official English classes that start today.
I would really ask prayer that I would actually be able to teach these classes with my roommate. We are having to do things that are kind of out of our league but I know the Lord will sustain us and give us what we need in order to accomplish our task.
I would also ask for your immediate prayer because some of my finances (are in fact) not in my MTW account. This means that I may have to come back slightly earlier than May.
I really wouldn't want to leave my mission since I have responsibilities that go up until my departure date in May.
God always has wonderful ways to keep me on my knees...to keep me from being too confident about my future. God is always in control and is also in control of this situation :)
Thank you for your prayer.

Fly towards the rising sun.

2009-01-11T07:35:00.004-07:00

I can't wait! I am going back to Slovakia in 6 days :) I have loved my time here in Cambridge because my sister is here. Seeing Sarah in her element is a great opportunity for me to know her better. On Wednesday I'll get to see Les Miserables in London which has been a much anticipated experience for many years.
However, I am glad to be leaving and getting back to work. Even with all the stress that comes with being on the mission field, the benefits are endless :)For me stress can be solved with sold time to relax**I've had that in abundance here and am now done. **I'm coming, I'm coming...

The Twins

2009-01-10T12:59:00.007-07:00

As a little "thanx" to Bruce and Sarah for letting me crash at their place for a month, I painted the twins from a photograph. I'm pretty proud about how clean I kept myself this time..I usually am a complete disaster.
Here is it i process.

2008-12-30T08:41:00.003-07:00

For a little outing, Sarah, Bruce, the twins, another couple and I all drove up to Windsor Castle. This amazing place is the official residence of the Queen and is still occupied today.

There was a nice collection of Rembrandt too :)

Christmas Morning~!!!

2008-12-25T07:19:00.006-07:00

I expected this Christmas to be harder than it was. Without my mom and dad and hanging with the Skiles and Hudgins....it just doens't seem the same. But my wonderful sister Sarah and Bruce have made this Christmas very special. So my first Christmas away from home started out.....
The twins came into the living room and got into bed with me. I allowed them on condition that they suck their thumb and let me doze for another 5 min. They did so for about 30 seconds and then noticed their stockings stuffed with goodies and began screaming and jumping up and down.
Sarah made wonderful quiche and I made a *kinda mocha. It was good, but a little weak.
Anyway....here are some pix.

December Update

2008-12-15T12:20:00.007-07:00

I am ashamed how little I have blogged this past month. Getting everything organized and prepared for my departure from Slovakia has been exhausting to say the least.
But after spending 10 wonderful days in Germany visiting my friend Lena I had an uneventful flight to Cambridge and am now set up very comfortably on a blow-up mattress in my sisters living room. Tomorrow we are going to make Christmas fudge and with the twins who are thoroughly looking forward to the Holiday, I expect this Christmas will be very restful and memorable for all of us :)
As far as how things ended up in Slovakia. As of now, I am set for a few months back in SK and will be buying my plane ticket very soon. I thank you all for your prayers since I know many of you have been praying for me and my extended stay in Eastern Europe. God has abundantly provided many people who have loved me and given so much for the sake of my safety and comfort. Miriam, the Lundgaards and the Gregoires have been particularly giving of their home.

Piano lessons and english teaching went very well. I had two high school girls that I taught Conversation English to once a week. They were very fun to teach and I look forward to teaching them in the spring. My other English classes that I taught with Mr. Lundgaard twice a week also was a success...we even had a few added movie nights at the Lundgaards to help teach about American culture, to expand their vocabulary as well as build more relationships with Slovaks.
I finished sewing all the curtains at the Building and even had time to finish these oversized pillows in the Cajovna room.
Remember the choir I was teaching in Spacince? Well cutting it pretty close I had the performance 4 days before I left. Many, many parents came which was so encouraging! I was so happy that God blessed us with this opportunity to build relationships and let the parents of Spacince get to know the Gregoires whose ministry is mainly stationed there. The children sang very well too and Paula and Ande even sang to help fill up the 45 min. :) *thanks guys.

My flight went very smoothly and everything was on time. Again...thanks for your prayers.

Parents!

2008-11-19T07:21:00.002-07:00

Ahoj!
So I got the opportunity to see my parents in Rust, where my dad was doing Peacemaking seminars...thanks to Mr. Lundgaard who thoughtfully offered to take the 2 hour drive. Kris, Paula, Kristian and myself all ended up hanging out in Austria for the day and I was able to see my parents for the fastest 4 hours of my life. *zooooom :(

Besides the sad and yet happy afternoon with my folks, the little town of Rust was really quaint! The town is surrounded by a huge lake (well it's more of a marsh). I expected Puddleglum to come slowly appear from within the fog in an leaky raft......*he didn't.
Anyway this marsh has tall grass that stands 4-6 feet above the water and it's slimy weeds sprawled up on the bank where some stationary rowboats sloshed back and forth with the tide.
It was quite creepy.

Something really unique besides the countless Prancing Pony look-a-likes, was the stork population in this town. I wouldn't be surprised in the least, if in the next 100 years this town was overrun with these over sized birds. Enormous nests sat precariously on top of skinny chimneys and narrow roof-tops. One can only guess that the smoke kept the nests warm and didn't actually "cook" the stork eggs.
These birds would swoop down close to the ground and then with one strong flap of their expanse would soar into the sky and disappear into the fog again.
I told a friend that if there were only fairy dust and a few goblins, this town would be ready for a fairy-tale movie :)
Anyway, the whole trip was very enjoyable and my parents even purchased some wine from an underground cellar that has been around since Jesus.........not quite.

As of right now I am packing and wrapping some projects up for my visit in Cambridge. :) I can't wait to spend Christmas with my nieces for once!!!
Dobre Den!

Mouse.

2008-10-28T06:36:00.002-06:00

Well we have a "mouse" problem.
The Building has a mouse or mice that run across the room when you least expect it. Now I have no problem admitting my own silly phobia for spiders, but it becomes comical when a grown man runs across the room screaming because of a little furry rodent. *I'm talking about you :) I know you're reading this.
Anyway, I poked it with a stick and it ran across the room again and almost ran into the trap that we had set up behind the bookshelf (but it artfully dashed around it). *Stupid mouse. Or smart mouse I should say.
All I can say is that our problem has reached the point to where Dan (during our Team Meeting this morning), motioned to seek professional help. We agreed.

Autumn

2008-10-20T05:43:00.002-06:00

It has arrived. Trnava is seeing the beauty of God through the turning of the leaves. :)

To all those who are reading this, I hope you truly understand how much I have enjoyed my stay in Slovakia. Being apart of this mission to eastern Europe has been the most influential experience of my life. I have seen the love of those who have sacrificed their money to send me here, the love of my friends and family who have sustained me with packages and letters, the love of the team members who have adopted me (a stranger) as one of the family, the love of the church members who see the vision that God has to bring his gospel to Slovakia.

What more could I ask for? Nothing.
God in HIS divine grace, has shown so much favor to me. I feel overwhelmed with gratitude.

Busy Days

2008-10-08T03:46:00.002-06:00

Wow, I have been busy busy busy! I have been sewing curtains and pillows for the church, teaching piano, teaching english, organizing children's choir, playing piano for Sunday mornings, working on my resume, looking for churches around the states, cleaning, going to meetings, etc.

Most recently, I was asked to teach a little segment on Peacemaking to the team! I thought you all would be excited to hear that. I'll be teaching on the Slippery Slope and the 4 G's :) Of course, I would really appreciate your prayers, because I feel way too young to teach it and my inexperience frightens me. But God put it in my hands, so I'm going to jump in.

I love and miss you all!

Prague

2008-09-09T03:33:00.014-06:00

Wow. I don't mean to be cliche but Prague was gorgeous. I can't help it. It's the type of city that throughly seduces you, without even trying. It oozes with culture, charisma, history, sensuality, diversity, art and enchantment. I wanted to be a little girl again, wishing I was a princess.

Oh and this may be a disappointment to people like my dad *sorry, but the girls I was traveling with both felt as I did about our choice of restaurants. Since we all came from Slovakia and already miss good 'ol American food, we didn't venture into Czech cuisine, but instead ate at places like Subway and Starbucks :) Don't worry Dad, I'll get plenty of foreign menus to describe to you!! :)

This picture on the left is Miriam and I standing in front of Dvorak's grave. It was especially neat since this is the first famous person's grave that I've ever been to.

Below, is Gina and I again on the Famous Walking Bridge. There is a plethora of musicians, artists and craftsmen who display their talents. Everything and anything

is for sale.

We all saw tons of newly weds and weddings taking place in and around Prague. It seems like quite the hot

spot for such an occasion. :)

Team Retreat to Znojmo, Czech Republic

2008-08-27T11:33:00.007-06:00

Well just after I got over my allergies, I got struck with the infamous 24 hour flu. This particular one seems to have taken its toll on me more than others I've had in the past. It all started yesterday at 8 pm, and now it is 7:30 and I'm hitting the 24 hour mark. I am exhausted but recovering slowly. :) I'll be fine by the weekend.

As for a quick update on our team retreat to Znojmo in the Czech Republic: Everything went really well and I thin we have a much better picture of what The Building's schedule will be this fall.

I am going to assist english teachers in Trnava schools, teach piano to the kids of some of the team leaders, be in charge of all the plants at The Building, help with the college group and a few others. It seems pretty full, but I'm excited to get into a routine. :)

Here is a beautiful picture of a catholic church in Znojmo.

Sk Team Leaders

2008-08-17T09:00:00.008-06:00

Kris - He is is an amazing man and an answer to prayer; from the confidence I have in his wisdom as one of my leaders, to his sense of humor as my friend. To me, he is my father away from home as well as a dear brother in Christ.

Kris and his wife Paula are in Trnava with their two youngest sons and have taken a year off of their normal duties to studiously study the Slovak language full-time. They have been in Slovakia since September and have jumped feet first into this mission. They are a blessing to this entire church plant in Trnava and it is evident that God is using them greatly for HIS will.

Kris Blog: http://the-lundgaards.com/

Miriam - She is the Building administrator/manager and is probably the busiest woman on staff. She works so hard all the time but maintains a joyful spirit and willing heart despite it all. This mission could never do it without her.

She came with MTW to Trnava in 1999 and speaks fluent Slovak. She won my heart the first time I met her and has worked her way into the hearts of all the Slovaks involved with The Building. They see the deep love she has for them and most of all her deep love for Christ. She is indeed amazing and a powerful vessel for the gospel in Trnava.

Dan - Dan and his wife Rebecca came to Trnava in February, 2007. They have 5 young children and have an amazing amount of stamina. The last couple of weeks, The Building headed up camps for high school, Jr. high and grades school. Dan and Rebecca graciously opened up their home for the grade school camp for an entire week. This shows a snapshot of what kind of woman Rebecca is with her gift for hospitality.

Dan's mission involves teaching young boys to know what it really means to be a godly man in a world where gender roles are blurred. He is headed up a summer hiking trip in late September to further build relationships with the Slovak boys.

Pray until I pray

2008-08-08T05:51:00.002-06:00

Many years ago, I remember going over to Melodee's house and having a chat with Susan about prayer. She has been an inspiration to me for a long time and I know I'm not the only one who has found encouragement from her faithful dedication to prayer.

I remember her telling me to, "Pray until I pray". This phrase has stuck with me for all these years and I am again drawn to my knees this morning. So many times while I am praying, I realize that I am simply "talking to myself" in my head instead of listening to God through prayer. Prayer is a conversation, which means I can't do it alone. I am in the midst of a Holy God and need to remember that.

The things I tell myself are utter nonsense at times and turning wide-eyed, I suddenly stop and have to start again. Why is this so hard when I want so much to pray to Jesus, after all HE is the object of my affection? *hufff

Of course, getting frustrated is pointless, because the very meaning of the phrase implies that praying is something that doesn't come naturally. Why else would Jesus have to teach us how to pray in the first place?

I pray that Jesus would bring order to my chaotic prayer-life, and focus my heart on the object of my affection.

Done with Camps

2008-08-06T03:19:00.013-06:00

Alright, well I'm done with all the camps now and think I finally learned how to play "The Ants Go Marching", "Father Abraham", "The Itsy Bitsy Spider", "Head & Shoulders, Knees and Toes", "The Wheels on the Bus", "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star", "You Are My Sunshine", and of course the all-time favorite of the Slovak kids, "Alice the Camel".

I think I performed the whole set about 25 times, not to mention the much anticipated yell out "One More TIME!!" haha

Anyway, I really do miss the whole experience and seeing those kids everyday. Of course, at the same time I can't help but say I am a bit relieved as well. I really was getting to my last straw with exhaustion, and I'm not even Miriam!! Poor thing, she really works so hard with these camps and most everything that involves the Building. God has really gifted her and is definitely using her to her full extent for His kingdom :D

During our last week of camp we had a team from Virginia come to help out. Everyone was wonderful because it is always great meeting other Christians you wouldn't normally meet in the states. As far as I know, Charlie is the only one who is praying to come back and work with this team in SK. He is a great guy and I really pray that he and his fiance can make it over in the next few years. I know that he would be a helpful asset to this mission.

Here is a picture of Charlie and I at our last Team Dinner drinking Kofola *yummm

A little trip we took after camps was to Dobra Voda Castle built in the 14th century. This is a drawing of what the original would've looked like. The last picture is of Libby and me next to the gate overlooking the valley below. Libby was my room-mate and left for back home just yesterday. I'll miss her a lot :)

English Teacher...

2008-07-15T08:20:00.003-06:00

This is a picture of all the girls that attended our camp. A very providential group of girls :) We all were dressed up for our last day of high school camp on Oscar Night!

Anyway, onto a little story here:

Some of you may laugh at the fact that I had to play an english teacher to the advanced group of Slovak high schoolers. :D

It's ok, I did too.

Well there is a little story that I thought I should share with you all, showing that God has worked through me in a little way, despite myself!!!

There was one boy in particular, with radiant blue eyes. He was the smallest of the class but had a large attitude. He refused to listen, answer questions, laugh, relate or anything that might somewhat help me actually teach him english. I had a hard time even keeping some kind of order in the class since the other boys were so easily influenced by this blue-eyed, loud-mouth.

I was encouraged once my brilliant plan to bring candy to class, actually worked a little. At least with the other boys. Blue-eyes didn't seem to care and still refused to answer any question and instead threw out some english curse word or some disrespectful remark.

I was going around the room asking questions like "What does mediator mean? If you can't answer in english, then you have to try and draw in on the board." (which to boys seems to be much more humiliating and so they tried their hardest to answer in english).

My questions finally reached the Blue-eyes, and I asked him the next word on my list:

"Ok, so can you tell me what forgiveness means? If you can't answer in english then you must draw in on the board."

To my surprise, he jumped up and seemed eager to answer by drawing it on the board. Instead he wrote in english, "MY TEACHER IS UGLY".

I smiled and said, "Alright nevermind, you obviously don't want to learn anything today so that's enough".

I finished class without asking anymore questions and excluded him from participation, since he obviously didn't want it anyway. He would still occasionally make some rude remark to another boy, but overall class finished relatively smoothly.

Class was over, I handed out large handfulls of candy to everyone for participating well and told each of them to remember one particular word that they would have to define for me at our next meeting.

One boy chewed on his chocolate bar while I asked him what recoil meant. He answered, I smiled and told him to remember that for tomorrow. I asked another boy what mediator meant. He answered, I threw him gummy-bears and told him to remember that for tomorrow etc...

They all sat their chewing on their candy except for Blue-eyes. He sat there without any candy and stared at the floor not saying a single word.

After a few minutes the other boys dispersed and I was alone with Blue-eyes.

I held out my fist to Blue-eyes. His face contorted into an embarrassed smile and he held his hand out. Before I let the candy drop out of my fist, I asked him what I asked the other boys: "Ok, so Blue-eyes, can you tell me what the word forgiveness means?"

He said "I can't remember."

I said, "This is what forgiveness means, and I let the candy drop from my fist."

"Now blue-eyes, you remember this for tomorrow OK?"

He nodded.

The next day I never had another problem with "blue-eyes". He wasn't very enthusiastic, but I did get an occasional smile from him.

Still Alive

2008-07-05T07:38:00.007-06:00

Hey everyone! I'm still alive and doing fabulous. This is the first day I was able to sleep in and actually relax a little bit. Miriam, Libby and I went to the Tesco (mini-walmart), to buy supplies and food for the celebration this sunday. We are celebrating the official installation of our Pastor Juro, who will also be performing his first communion. He is an amazing man and will most definitely be a strong leader for this church in Trnava.

This past week we had what we call "Work Week". This is where the youth group spends all day, everyday, serving the church or community for 7 days. We split up into groups and one group cleaned trash in the Kamenac park in Trnava, which is basically an enormous forest with a path running through. It was absolutely beautiful, and filled with ticks.

The other group stayed at the church and re-painted the

walls in 2 rooms and the hallway. This isn't very easy, considering the fact that all the paint cannot be mixed at the store *you mix your own using a white base and primary colors. Needless to say we ran out of one color and had to mix more which was quite a challenge to match. It was a lot of work this whole week and I'm exhausted and already anticipating August, which should lighten up a bit in terms of the Church's schedule.

On monday we will be starting the english summer camps and are expecting 12 boys and 3 girls. The teams leaders (Dan, Miriam, Gina and myself) as well as the youth group, which consists of about 7 girls and 4 boys will be leading most of the activities. Activities will be fun, english teaching home videos for the kids and english skits. Then Miriam will teach the very beginner classes since she knows the most Slovak. Dan and Gina will teach the medium stage classes and I'm teaching the advanced english. I feel totally out of my realm here but God will give me the strength to accomplish what I need to. Please pray for all of us and that we can hopefully draw more kids to the church plant.

One thing I have to say, is that the youth group at this church is a phenomenal group of teens. They are so strong for the Lord and look out for each others interests. They are fearless with inviting people to church and take their relationship with the Lord very seriously. God's presents is so evident in this church and I am confident that God will bless all of their diligence in service to it.

Love and miss you all!

First Couple days in SK

2008-06-28T03:07:00.002-06:00

Well I missed my flight in Munich due to standing in an hour and a half Customs line…which actually isn’t that long considering. But because of this, I went to the Service Desk where they took an hour trying to even find me in their system. Then the chubby man german behind the counter tore up my ticket in a flurry and then patted me on the head and told me to go to my gate. I walked down the terminal numbers because the number he indicated wasn’t to my destination, which was Vienna. So then I saw Wein in the corner with about 50 people with soccer (I mean football) jersies on. Duuu, this *must be Vienna. I checked in and walked down the accordian hallway which led me to a bus which I boarded and waited another half an hour for it to start moving. We zoomed on the runway about 2 terminals down, where I followed the crowd of men walking up stairs and through another hallway which just led back down again onto the runway where we boarded a plane.

Well getting to Vienna was fine except that once I found the baggage claim, there was no luggage. I then went to the Austrian Lost & Found and wanted to give them my address to where I was staying in Trnava, but she demanded that I give her my home address in America. I tried to explain that I was staying 5 months and so need them here. Anyway…didn’t work…she took my Billings address and told me to leave. I sat down and logged on my laptop and got the phone number of the family that was picking me up. The number didn’t work. I called again, and it didn’t work. I walked out of the Terminal and saw a crowd of people holding signs with various names. I didn’t see mine.

I have never seen this family who I was told would be waiting for me, all I knew was the husbands name was Dan, and that he would try to recognize me. Once out of the Terminal, you can’t return so I made another attempt at calling Dan................Failed.

I would’ve just sat on the floor and opened my laptop, all except that I’ll get yelled at for freezing my ovaries on the cold ground. Yup, all women who have trouble getting pregnant just need to listen to the Austrians and stop sitting on cold marble floors…so I waited until a seat was free. Once I sat down I looked up to hearing, “Anya?”

I jumped up and huged this man who I assumed was Dan.........It was.

We all went back to the Austrian Lost & Found and corrected this lady’s mistake and drove to Trnava.

By this time I was sooo tired. I wasn’t exactly able to sleep on the plane because I was seated next to a monk on his way back to Florence and he read the whole time while mumbling his rosary over and over again. *He did give a somewhat formal blessing to our plane – so that was reassuring :D

Arriving to my apartment I went out on the balcony where I took hold of the floor to ceiling steel cage and listened to the ominous clouds roar their loudest and pouring forth a sudden shower. You know like in the movies, you see all those eastern European people peering from their balcony just watching you? Well, I became one of them. While gnawing on hard bread, I watched people running to escape this sudden rain storm. Men with their shorty-shorts on and ladies with green hair running in their stilettos and minny skirts.

Yesterday we had a Hawaiian Luau. All ages were invited and we had around 25 people. I was kinda concerned that my jet-lag would be a problem and that I would be a lug in the corner the whole time, but it never quite hit me. I was out showing the girls how to hula-hoop and when I saw the boys were having trouble getting their hand motions in time to the music, I even did the Macarana with them in Slovak (of course) :D

July as a whole is going to be the busiest month of the summer. Starting on Monday we have "Work Week", were the Slovak pastor at our church organized a way to serve to the city of Trnava. No one is quite sure what we'll be doing, but it should be a great way to have a name in Trnava and serve the people here.

...Oh I just got the call that my luggage should be arriving from Bratislava! I've been wearing the same clothes for 4 days now.....don't worry I washed them a few times. But I'm so happy that I happened to wear comfortable clothes. I'm going to go finish studying my Slovak words so I'm not totally lost on Sunday morning. There are a few people who don't speak english and since we are ministering to Slovaks, Sunday morning is all in their language. Needles to say, Sunday is generally not going to be a time for me to get fed. So listening to dad's sermons online, being in my personal devotions everyday and our team meetings will be my essential times for growing closer to Christ. :)

Andrew runs with Skippy

2008-06-17T20:33:00.001-06:00

"To Fit In My Heart"

2008-06-17T17:14:00.015-06:00

"Endless silver
Wave forms crash in
Sea's too big to fit in my brain
Nothings too big to fit in my heart

Seas come, seas go
Where they stood deserts flow
Time's too big to fit in the brain
Nothing's too big to fit in my heart

Space time strings bend
World without end
God's too big to fit in a book
Nothings too big to fit in my heart"

-Bruce Cockburn

I have always loved this song, especially the last line, "God's too big to fit in a book, nothing's too big to fit in my heart". Yesterday, I found out that it isn't exactly true.

My good friend Andrew has been asking me for years to go into the Pryor range and ride his horses with him. I have never gone because of a fear that began with me nearly falling off a horse once at Dave & Amy's ranch many years ago. I know it's stupid, but I just couldn't shake it.

Andrew didn't even ask me to go this time, but I instead asked him, forcing myself to take the first step toward conquering my "chicken" attitude.

I sweated my way out to Edgar in my non-AC honda (* i love you honda! ), pulled into his drive and shut my door behind me. There wasn't a single sound except for grasshoppers in nearby fields surrounding the house.

After putting on some old cowboy boots of Sarah's, Andrew put the horses in the back of the trailer and we drove out to Pryor. The sun was still high as we mounted the horses and slowly walked out to where his cows were. “No running” was one of my set conditions for going on this ride. I

didn’t want to kill myself right before I go to Slovakia. :)

Andrew has this amazing herd dog that obeys every command to either round the cows up or to leave them alone. He hunts around for any puddle to lay down in and rolls around with anticipation to show us what he’s found.

We rode the horses into a nearby coolly where the walls of earth were high and the passage narrow. Then our horses took their chance when the walls turned into a steep hillside and we galloped out. This is when I mustered up my courage and we got the horses in a side by side run and sped to where the trailer was parked. The wind in my face and the power I felt running with this horse created an exhilaration that I can't describe.

After loading up the horses, Andrew and I climbed on top of the trailer and watched the sun set to the right of us and a thundering light storm to the left.

I wanted to stay there forever.

With the sun setting on my face I wanted to capture the immense glory of it all and put it in something. This constantly moving sky filled me with an strange frustration because it wouldn’t just stay put. But even if it did stand still, I know that my little brain would never be able to fully grasp it...otherwise photographs would always fully capture the view, and we know they never do.

I was totally missing something. There was beauty within itself that I either couldn’t see or understand, but whatever it was, it was too unfathomable to fit in my heart. This is where something so beautiful can caused me deep pain because my earthly body yearned for a new earth where not only do I get to gaze at God’s creation and fully grasp his beauty, but I will be able to gaze at God’s face, and come to realize that I am only scratching the surface. God is too big to fit in my heart, but I’m going to spend forever loving and learning the mystery.

New Plans...

2008-06-08T21:17:00.003-06:00

Well the Lord has set out new plans for me. It took me a while to see the larger picture and perhaps see God's plan in all of this, but I am NOT going for 11 months like I previously thought. As of now, I am going for 5. There were some miscommunications, and change of plans, as well as my rather disclaiming attitude towards my own mission, which eventually led to my largest donor to pull out of his last contribution. He is totally fine with it and I am more than positive that it has nothing to do with a conflict or anything of that sort.

Anyway, after feeling totally left hanging, I have come to the solid conclusion which I had at the beginning of the whole fundraising process.

Remember "Slovakian Blues"? Well right before that, I was working through the fact that God wanted me to go for 11 months because with one foul swoop everything was "paid for". Then the blues came when I was told by a close person I look up to and trust that I was probably not a very good investment. This made me feel totally insecure and became totally unsure if I should even be going to Slovakia, much less 11 months.

Well, now I'm working through the fact that it won't be 11 months.

This roller-coaster ride comes with the territory and I shouldn't be shocked, but I AM shocked that the elevation at which my hopes have fallen from is actually making me physically sick.

I've had a fever for 5 days now. It's just a slight one, but enough to make me kinda feel like I'm walking in sand.

Anyway, I am determined to see what I can do about my plane ticket. My sister and her hubby will be in Cambridge for 3 years starting this fall and so how neat would it be to visit them for Christmas! *we'll see what can be arranged. :)

Anyway, I just want to remind myself through this whole thing that God knows all things. But He doesn't just know about them (which is totally unsatisfactory), God is actively working for my good even now.

God has always done what I best for me, so why should it be different now? I know that He isn't just "cutting" my trip short, but that there is a wonderful and perfectly simple explanation "WHY". I just don't know it yet. God has not put it on my heart to go for 11, but when he opened the door, I learned to say "Lord I am willing." Now that God is shutting the door, I am learning to say "Lord I am willing".

2008-05-12T17:25:00.006-06:00

Yes, my Slovakian blues have been swift to leave now that the rest of my life seems to have meaning to it. This was helped in chief by Ande (thanks girl!), she spent about 2 hours of her life listening to me cry and lament about my horrible circumstances and told me all the things I needed to hear. God is on my side and if He started this journey for me, He will see it to fruition!

She also told me that I would probably feel slightly different once my senior recital was over and once I graduated...and yes, finishing school has been a wonderful experience for me. I can stand a little straighter without the burden of 7.5 years on my back and look forward into a new chapter of my life.

RMCC has been a tremendous support for me as well. It is great to have seen so many spend their saturday afternoon not for themselves, but serving me by attending my Senior Recital. Wow, I felt overwhelmed and grateful.

Right after my graduation party, I immediately drove up to Bozeman with my cousin. She went onto Missoula while I stayed behind and spent some quality time with my sister, bro-in-law and their new son....:)

It was just what the doctor ordered and now I feel refreshed and ready to spring clean and start the beginning stages of packing for my trip :)

Thank God for His goodness to me :)

Slovakia Blues

2008-04-03T22:42:00.003-06:00

Oh man. I haven't been feeling myself lately. I have been feeling discouraged the last couple of days. I really don't know why since I simultaneously feel overwhelmed with gratitude, satisfied with God's plan for my life, and overall feel very blessed.

With all these uplifting feelings why do I feel discouraged? Is it the not knowing that is killing me about my upcoming trip to Slovakia? Is it the uncertainty about if Slovakia is the real place that I am called to be? I don't know. Maybe both.

The first thing, is that God raised the money for me to go to SK and HE raised it quickly and effortlessly, which I am obliged to take as a confirmation that SK is God's will for my life. I don't really have a "heart" for Slovakia in the sense that I've never been, know little or nothing about the culture, and have no association or external sub-connection with the team there. We keep having these missions conferences and I hear about certain team and can't help but think of them as "popular" where in Slovakia is virtually not on my radar at all. I now know more about Indonesia, Bangladesh and Mexico than I do about a country that I am planning on living in for 11 months or so.

The second thing, is that during our missions conference the main concept was: Raising up locals to continue the expansion of the gospel, instead of just herding Americans in and out like cattle and never seeing much continuation on the mission field once the missionaries left. Well obviously I understand this and think this is such a wise approach to missions.

But lately I've been thinking about how I am probably not a very good investment for people to be giving money to. I am single, a woman, and mainly want to play piano to glorify God on the mission field. - - - Big flipp'in woop right? Do I really have all that much to offer the mission field? And even if I do, my trip is costing so much that the same money could support probably 2 Mexican pastors. They would make a little more of a ripple in the evangelizing pool right?

I know that Satan is most likely using the subtle means of my insecurities to slowly tear down any joy I may have previously had.

Please pray that God will help me with these Slovakia blues that I'm having right now and give me a passion for a people and place I am foreign to.

Also, that God would remind me why I am going: to fulfill HIS will. - - - - - This is obviously HIS will since he opened the door wide and shoved me through before I knew what hit me. - - - - - -and if this is HIS will then that fact remains even if I feel unworthy, overwhelmed and overall depressed.

Maybe this discouragement is the first step that most missionaries talk about. The very occupation requires larger UPs and DOWNs than most comfortable Americans are used to.

Maybe, this is my first down?

physical touch

2008-03-16T22:55:00.005-06:00

The power of physical touch is one things that we all care about. But tonight, I really woke up to how much can be communicated through it.

This morning I sat in church with my left han stroking the back of my neck as I usually do when I am listening intently to something. As I was running my fingers by the very top of my spine, I felt how incredibly tight I was and that I was actually kinda in pain and didn't realize it until then. So, that evening I went to my aunts house and jumped in her hot tub to loosen my back up. Afterward, I felt sleepy but not very relaxed...(an annoying combination I assure you). Anyway, I was sitting on my cousins bed along with the rest of the family, socializing while watching her pack for a trip. My aunt came up and offered to quickly massage me.

Now a kind of prideful issue of mine, is that I have and probably always will feel guilty for letting someone give me a massage. I donno why I choose physical touch, but I have (for some reason) chosen to make THAT an avenue which I love to serve but hate to BE served.

I often give massages to many of my friends and family and adore helping people feel better...which in turn makes ME feel better.

Anyway, I let her this particular time and wanted so badly to keep time in order that I could "let her off the hook" in about 5 min. Well, after 5 min. I finally started to relax and she just kept going while talking to her kids about various things.

I was reminded how I tend to avoid help from anyone and rub my own arms and neck to try to relieve the pain. But although I feel touch, I do not feel caressed, as I did tonight.

Tonight was not just about relieving my pain, it emotionally and even spiritually recharged me. I found that it is almost as if when someone else touches you, a little bit of their soul seeps through their pores and mingles with your own. This happens even in the slightest hand shake, stroke of the hair or rub on the back. It is a powerful yet silent transaction, which I strongly think has healing components. It conveys adoration, friendship, understanding,

commitment, and love.

I don't think any of us should underestimate the power of even the slightest touch.

"It simply wuks"

2008-02-09T15:17:00.000-07:00

Because of his beautiful British accent, James Dyson’s obvious superior ethnicity convinced me, along with millions of others, of his brilliant idea to cure the woes of the domestic house cleaner. After 5 years and the determination that overcame 500 prototypes, James Dyson created a new kind vacuum that would "never loose suction".

The sleek commercials and innovative design was inviting whether or not it actually worked better than our “boring” vacuums at home. How cool would that be to have this plastic work of art, sucking up popcorn between couch cushions, with the air of British avant-garde? Yes, it was a definitely a chic move to spend a couple hundred dollars for a vacuum that even James Dyson said, “It simply wuks”.
Well it doesn’t “simply work”.
I’m lugging around this 20 lb model of plastic and find myself using my fingers for picking up the popcorn and shoving it into the end of the hose.
Most of the carpet in the house is very short with tapered ends. It barely looks dirty, even when it IS dirty. But unfortunately upstairs has more “fluffy” carpet and thus looks dirty the moment the imprint of your foot compresses the fluffiness out of it.
I believe that a good vacuum should suck the life right back into the carpet and I had high expectations for the promises of the Dyson.
I wish I could tell Mr. Dyson (or should I say Sir Dyson), that he should use his "sucking" skills in an industry that wouldn't rob agerage housecleaners of 300 bucks and suck at some OTHER profession.

San Diego Pictures

2008-01-28T13:23:00.000-07:00

Of COURSE....the Hotel Del Coronado! Remember "Some Like it Hot"?

A little afternoon beer.

This poor Warthog....Isn't this the unglies creature you've ever seen? When I first saw it, I threw up a little in my mouth...and then felt sorry for it.

My beautiful Muter ~

I ate BOTH of these :) I know.... "oink"

The PCA church my dad preached at.

Deep Water

2008-01-27T22:05:00.000-07:00

I know...this sounds like a juicy blog title- - -where I spill my guts about how much trouble I've gotten myself into. But it's not.

In fact, I found this movie on netflix and loved it. It's a documentary on a Britisher named Donald Crowhurst. This particular documentary is extremely tight and well edited, making it a well told story. I was led to tears, seeing the interview of Clare Crowhurst, as she recalls the compelling events that led up to her husbands final departure from England and into the vast Atlantic on a small sail boat.

It is definitely a story of courage as well as the ultimate battle of life and death and the twisted mingling of lies and truth that shake our core.

I often tell people that we're all on the brink of going insane. If we are truly sinful from the core, then the obvious outcome of listening to our hearts is inevitably insanity. Another choice would be to ignore our hearts, or smother some Oprah advice to cover up the bad stench of our rotting hearts. The last way would be to turn off all the noise and listen to gospel of Christ. This truth that doesn't crumble like sand but stands firm as the rock under our feet.

Anyway, good movie. You can see the trailer below. :)

2008-01-17T17:54:00.001-07:00

Well, I leave tomorrow from this beautiful place :) The trip was a really good one full of interesting animals, awesome shopping, reminiscences of my parents 20's, good wine, french cuisine, Westminster seminary, theological giants, beach lounging and pool tanning.
Overall, just what I needed to spring myself back into gear for my last semester of college EVER (Lord willing).

I didn't even have that momentary gagging view, when looking below at Salt Lake City. This was, in fact, the one time I've ever seen that hideous city look half-way aesthetically pleasing. Without the trees to texture the mountains, the snow virtually dusted the entire city with a white canvas, leaving room for the imagination to settle on a more agreeable landscape.

San Diego is a different story. As far as I'm concerned, the moment I stepped out of the airport and into 70 degree weather, with the sweet smell of Eucalyptus trees permeating everything, I was ready to move.
I know, I know, my dear friends in Montana dont' like me saying this, and I barley mentioned anything even to my sister. Montana is awesome country and beautiful...I just wish I could make more use of the beauty it offers by going skiing, hiking, fishing, etc....
According to most Californians, Escondido is the "boondocks", well if this is the far out, hill-billy bush, then this is MY kind of country.
Well, I'm off to dinner. I'll post pictures once I get back :) See some of you soon :)

San Diego

2008-01-12T15:47:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm in San Diego, and very happy. I don't think I realized how much I've been needing to get out of town for a while. The weather is perfect. I sat outside on the deck this afternoon and felt the sun radiating off the pavement. *mmmmmm
Anyway, I'm in a rush, but wanted to say that muter and I are here safely :)

2008-01-04T10:48:00.000-07:00

I'm getting ready to fly to Escondido, CA with mom. It'll be fun since at least the weather is in the upper 60's and will warm me up for starting classes on the 21st. My dad is preaching and doing a few seminars at Westminster, so mom and I thought it fun to join him and keep him company, AND go shopping. :) * i know I'm shallow.

I'm excited about going to the San Diego Zoo though. I've never been and somehow I keep imagining the scene from the Graduate...though that was filmed at the S.F. zoo.

Anyhow, I've been needing to "get out" and this is the perfect opportunity.
There are a series of you tube clips of the graduate below. Watch the first one on the left :)
It's hilarious (and scary), when his mom finds out about her son being engaged.

2008~ ~

2008-01-02T11:00:00.000-07:00

I decided to ring in the New Year with season 3 of The Office series with muter and dad. I ate fudge and gave a toast to my mom with my glass of Airborne. *yummm ! How festive is that!

Around 1 am I started getting all these text and voice messages from friends who were partying and wishing me a new year. Well after I went to bed around 2 am, I was still waking up to the sound of texts. haha

Anyway, now that the New Year is here and 2007 gone, I have got to get back in gear now. Holidays and vacations are fun, but I love getting back into a schedule and feeling like I'm moving forward in my life rather than sitting around eating fudge and playing guitar hero for an entire month...which isn't the *worst thing :)

A highlight this Christmas was being able to see my nephew, who is so cute I just wanna eat him :) The other one was going up to a cabin with friends, my aunt and cousins. *sooo fun!

Here are a few pix - - - - - ->

But getting back to current affairs:

Right now I have on my agenda to get my visa figured out for Slovakia and sent off. I have a little something I made for Amy and Tyler....I'll send those off today. Also, talking to Marcus made me unwillingly be reminded of my obligations to my teacher and how much I have to practice before my next lesson with her. grrrrrr.

Oh well. :) At least I'm not sitting on my bum anymore. :) I'll be blogging a lot more too, since I'll actually have something to say :)

2007-12-20T19:25:00.000-07:00

2007-12-20T19:05:00.000-07:00

I've really ignored my blog because finals had my eyes stapled open to Physics page #139. *yuck. Though passing with a C is enough for me. :) Thank the Lord for that one. *whew

Anyway, I was in the bath the other night to soothe my brain along with my neck muscles which had knotted up tight over the past 2 weeks. My head started to ache and so I slipped deeper until my face was submerged underneath the water. My hair felt alive as it seemed to almost purposefully wave around. Guess what I heard?
I heard my heartbeat. It sounded so loud like it would jump out of my chest. It really was the weirdest thing. It isn't like I've never done this before, but I think for the first time, I got a really good sense of what it meant for life to be sustained. My heart is pumping around 70 milliliters worth of blood every single beat, in order to sustain my life. If you think about it, it really doesn't take a whole lot to end life. God has my days numbered, and even the type of death I'll be inflicted with.
Yeah, we all know that our heart is continually beating because of the grace of God, bla bla bla....but it is really something when you actually contemplate that God is the ONLY thing sustaining your life. Do that, next time you hear your heart beat.

a few montana pix

2007-12-03T08:46:00.001-07:00

I took a few pix on my way home from Bozeman, this last week after my sisters baby was born.

I was pretty impressed with myself...the traffic was moving at an avg. 45 miles per hour because of slippy conditions. So, I with both eyes on the road, I reached over and stuck my hand outside my window . :)

MTW Conference

2007-11-20T10:25:00.000-07:00

I got back this weekend from the PCA Global Missions Conference held in Atlanta. It was a delightful time of fellowship and encouragement and I’m guessing that on a whole approx. 2000 attended. It was pretty amazing to see so many people in one room all praising the same God and giving their life to the same cause.
If you saw it, you would see what a foretaste of paradise this conference was – every tribe, tongue and nation gathered together.
I met so many other men and women, most in their twenties, who were just as excited about missions as I am. It was wonderful to talk with them and hear their life story and how God led them to the mission field.
This conference let me see that we are all in this together. It’s not just about an isolated missionary here and there, but that the family of God is behind me; I am in a dynamic community of fellow soldiers!
I also was confirmed in my call to Slovakia since I was able to make the contact with the main mission leader there.
Good thing. I’m going to send out my letter within the next two weeks! Pray for me! :)

Psalm 107

2007-11-06T12:02:00.000-07:00

Last night I read Psalm 107 out of The Message. The Contemporary Language really gave me some inspiration and conviction to this very familiar passage.
Lately, I've been complaining ( in my head ) about almost everything. On the outside, I am acting content, but have been having "pouting" sessions more frequently during the day. Everyone else was doing things wrong, but I was pretty much perfect. I actually caught myself thinking up a scenario of someone complimenting me about various things.
*IT WAS PATHETIC.
I basically had forgotten or ignored what God has done for me in the past and is still doing for me. I was living as though my life wasn't completely safe and secure because of God's plan for me and active involvement.
This is my favorite line in 107:
"If you are really wise, you'll thinking this over -
It's time you appreciated God's deep love."

Prostitots

2007-10-30T11:16:00.000-06:00

To initiate the beginning of the Halloween festivities, Glen Beck recently did a story on the rising trend in modern costume design. He hit on a very important point that confirmed for me what I have thought for the last few years.
Young girls especially, are throwing out the pumpkin, cowgirl, and princess costumes, for the more eye-catching model, hooker, and playboy bunny outfits. Of course, why shouldn’t they? They see Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan flashing themselves around Hollywood and yet not getting reprimanded for their garish behavior. Instead, these are the “idols” of America, the “it” girls of our time. Paris and Lindsay have demanded attention, and they’ve gotten it.

This is a "Paris Hilton in Jail" costume.

Girls as young as 10 are seeing the power and attention that they can potentially have on this one night of the year, when any apparel goes.
The whole, “ …it’s only one night of the year”, is the very excuse that many mothers say when bringing in their daughters to costume shops and approving of the “barely there” outfits on their 10 year old frame.
Fathers often find themselves in the same place of trying to explain to their wives and daughters what these costumes can do to guys. They expend so much energy explaining in detail how guys can’t control their eyes and minds, when their daughters wear such clothing. But these fathers are missing the point. Girls know full well the power they have and intend to use it.
In my opinion, it would even be interesting to know if the mothers are living somewhat vicariously through their daughters and therefore approve of their 10 year olds dressing like they are going to a nightclub. Older women are desperately trying to be younger, and the young girls are obsessed with being older. *It’s an interesting and sad dynamic in American culture.

I never really liked when little kids dressed up like terrorizing serial killers or half-dead witches, but it may be the lesser of two evils. At least witches aren’t generally flashing their sexy midriffs or busting cleavage.

Umm, according to this pic, I would guess if you want it bad enough, you can make sluts of any character.

I'm in.

2007-10-24T21:57:00.000-06:00

Ok...well I haven't blogged for a while since I've been floundering in school, music and MTW. But God is good and has led me out of a lot of stress and confusion. I feel pretty content right now and clear about my future.
It's a great feeling.
I have to confess something which may be a slight reason to my good mood right now:

Most people will hate me when I say this and I'm sure I'll get called by the elders or something. So I "kinda" apologize to every Colorado Rocky fan....but I was gitty when I came home from Youth Group and found out that the Boston Sox were winning. :P haha....I was there when they won against the Indians and for some reason feel a fondness towards them. Yeah..that was an exciting game. Not sure though if it helped that the Sox were in Fenway stadium, or that they were just confident going into it. Who knows, who cares...they won.
Wait a second....am I actually saying that I care about baseball?
I've thrown up my hands.....can't help it- - - - - - - - - -I'm in.

p.s. God is good

2007-10-19T08:35:00.000-06:00

When I was young I remember listening to Papa’s (grandfather on mom’s side) sermons on tape. Before I knew that he was a Pentecostal preacher, I was well aware of the exuberant, passionate, even screaming stamina in which he mustered up strength in order to rouse the spirit every Sunday.
I thought he was fun.
He had this billowing, white, cotton hair and a round tummy, which was probably for a shock effect, when his grandchildren came running at full speed ahead into his arms.
I revisited his warm, raspy voice when I dusted off an old tape that I found of one of Papa’s sermons. As I listened to the first ½ hour of it, he was finally concluding the introduction part of his sermon, when he happened to mention my name. He told the congregation that he received a letter written by his granddaughter about a week previous. He read:

September 28, 1993
My grandfather is a very nice grandfather. For Christmas he would buy me lots of presents. He would take me for a ride on his tractor.
My grandfather lives in California and it does not snow there.
I call my grandfather Papa.
Love, Anya
p.s. God is good.

Haha…I busted out laughing when I heard the whole, “God is good” part. I recall knowing that I should add something in my letter that was spiritual since he was a particularly passionate preacher. Well, he used my little “p.s.” to launch his sermon title. Two hours later Papa came to a close with a final “AMEN!” and ended with prayer.
Thought this was a funny story. : )

Anyway, speaking of “God is good”, yesterday God answered my prayer. I had been particularly struggling with this whole issue of timing.
It all got thrown off when my Advisor at school made a slight mistake on my transcript, making it impossible for me to graduate this fall.
To my devastation, I struggled to rejoice in my suffering. But God is good despite my poor attitude. He answered my prayer and somehow managed for me to be content with staying in Billings another semester and postpone my Slovakia trip until around July. I am still waiting to hear back from the Slovakia team as to whether or not my delay will be too much of an inconvenience. I put my trust in God that he has my future planed for me.
If you think of it - - - please pray.

I don't deserve this crap

2007-10-16T10:27:00.000-06:00

The pic to the right accurately depicts how I feel now --->

Ok....when one thing goes wrong everything goes wrong. *grrrrrr. I have felt like I don't quite deserve all of this crap and that God owes me a BIG break soon.

I tend to think that whenever I am suffering large or small, that God is somehow reacting to something I've done. Like, if I enjoy something, no wonder HE takes it away since I was most likely making an idol of it. I have to keep reminding myself that I cannot know the ways of God. The question is not: I'm suffering...ok what have I done wrong this time?

Rather the question is: how will I respond to God when trials come? Will I rejoice in suffering?

"...but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5: 1-5

2007-10-10T21:31:00.000-06:00

My Caregroup:) These girls ROCK!

About me:

2007-10-10T13:28:00.001-06:00

1 - I'm overly cheerful in the morning - - - I would annoy those people who don't talk for the first 3 hours of being awake...unless they don't mind listening to me.
2 - I tend to over analyse things and people. It is a fault that I appreciate any slap on the hand for.
3 - I like people who are different than me. All my friends have the qualities that I *wish I had.
4 - I used to be a HORRIBLE passive-resister. I think I'm getting better at speaking my mind, and I admire those who are direct, and to the point.
5 - I love ALL the seasons.
summer, because I can swim and smell freshly cut grass.
fall, because the leaves turn colors and I don't sweat in my non-air conditioned car anymore.
winter, because I love snow, and love Christmas.
spring, because the sun actually warms my face again and I can wear less clothes.
6 - I would like to someday remodel a house and then live in it. I love seeing things progress by the works of my own hands.
7 - I want to enter my symphonic concerto in a competition someday and see what happens.
8 - I love to travel
9 - I want a dog someday and name it Whisky
10 - I sometimes wish I were a guy.............................and sometimes think I am one.

My Soap Box

2007-10-09T15:21:00.000-06:00

Ok, as some of you know, I’m going through a “How People Change” bible study with a few other women in my church. Today’s subject was on “Marriage to Christ”. Even though I have no reason to doubt the author’s scriptural authority and sound doctrine, I did hesitate when I came to this chapter.
I’ve had a few bad experiences with poor analogies pertaining to “marriage with Christ”, which is a popular tool used in various dating/chastity books. I’ve had discussions within my care group, where I’ve tried to warn my “girls” against being overly attracted to this type of imagery.
However I shouldn’t throw the baby out with the bathwater. Timothy Lane and Paul Tripp do an excellent job with skillfully utilizing the “marriage” theme to simply explain some powerful similarities with our relationship to Christ.
1 - Marriage to Spouse: The other person changes you over time.
Marriage to Christ: Christ changes you over time.
2 – Marriage to Spouse: Share the financial, physical and emotional burdens.
Marriage to Christ: Christ shares and lifts our burdens with his sacrifice.
3 – Marriage to Spouse: Each person belongs to the other.
Marriage to Christ: We belong to Christ since we were bought at a price and he belongs to us. “I will be your God and you will be my people”.

I feel that “Adoption” is a more powerful visual for our relationship with Christ, because it assumes our complete dependency, (unlike marriage which is “leader” & “helpmate”)
What “marriage” DOES have that “adoption” doesn’t is the profound closeness and intimacy that is found in no other relationship than marriage. So, this analogy is fine, if there isn’t one iota of sexual innuendoes intermingled with solid gospel.
So the lesson is: Don’t take any analogy too far.

So, I’ve changed my way of thinking and will no longer retaliate against all “marriage to Christ” imagery. I will only retaliate against the metaphore of Jesus being our boyfriend. Because though this is appealing to our sexually crazed American culture, it is also appealing to our lonely Christian college student and the Christian housewife trapped in an unloving marriage, etc.
I do NOT believe that Jesus wants us to twist biblical imagery into our over-imaginative, sensual fantasies.
Jesus knocking at the door of our hearts turns into, the lover tapping on the window of our bedroom.
Jesus as our friend turns into, Jesus as our bedfellow.’
Ok, ok…I’ll get off my soap box. I think you get my point by now. Haha…the true reason why I got this Blog in the first place, comes out…:P

Rebirth

2007-10-09T12:52:00.000-06:00

Lately I haven’t had that much to say - - - not a shocker, I know.
But lately everything has been spurring thoughts of Mimi, and I am trying to remember all the good years when she was alive, instead of the painful last weeks. It was difficult to not only loose my grandmother, but piled on top was the fact of breaking up with my boyfriend and my parents being absent in the Middle East (all at the same time). But something very apparent was how God showed himself in a new way to me by the comfort that can only come from Him.
Mimi was a godly woman who feared the Lord instead of death. I pray that I can die with the same grace as she had.
One small incident that happened, which caused me to examine the way I previously viewed death was when Kerry, Melissa, Stephanie and I went to prepare the body. We brought Mimi’s makeup, hair supplies and favorite jewelry to the Morgue and made her look as we most remembered her. This may seem pretty “repulsive” and even “chilling” to some, but this is how I last saw her. We walked into the room and there Mimi was, with her hollow eyes and gaunt cheekbones. Her lips were as gray as the tips of her fingers, while her skin looked plastered onto her body. This is when I knew the real difference between a “dead body” and a “corpse”.
A dead body is something through which Christ can show the beginning; the glorious release of the soul, flying to the Father’s side. Contrasted with a human corpse; screaming our conclusive end, and the ugly shell that housed our earthly existence.
Dying is not ugly; death is ugly. From the creation of the world we were meant to live in communion with our creator, so no wonder death feels so unnatural. That is why, “nothing in my hands I bring, simply to thy cross I cling”. Just because I’m a Christian, doesn’t mean that I am sitting content and completely fearless of death. Until I actually go through death, it will always be terrifying to me. But only terrifying in the way that a new, unworldly, profoundly intense, seeing God for the first time, type of experience would be. I am proud to be an eternal daughter of the eternal King. My existence will not end when I breathe my last, I will have just been born.

Flooding Again

2007-10-06T13:36:00.000-06:00

Well, this morning I woke up and found my bedroom carpet damp. I walked around and found it damp pretty much all over. Yeah, so the pouring rain last night left a foot of water sitting in our window wells and my dad gets a nice welcoming home present when he returns this afternoon. We'll see in a few days about the insurance and how much is actually covered. Our house has flooded before and it is only 3 years old! Common people - -I think the builders have some explaining to do.
Oh well...so my Saturday is now tearing out molding, tearing up carpet, and moving my whole bedroom to the upstairs room, where I'll most likely stay until I leave for good. I'm sick of moving all my stuff around and not having it organized or cleaned up. Haha..our entire house looks like we just moved in with everything in the basement now stuffed into the upstairs. *slightly annoying after we all just got done cleaning a lot to gear up for fall.
However, we must rejoice when we face struggles of many kinds. This is the refining fire. :)

Nerd Factor

2007-10-03T16:56:00.000-06:00

I'm not saying that all people look nerdy wearing glasses...most people look awesome, like Ben, Melissa, Kerry, not to mention my good look'in bro in law. But I definitely have a nerd factor...meaning it doesn't take much to make me into one.
You'll know what I mean for the next 2 months, which is how long I'm required to wear my new found friends. Oh well :)
What's life for if we can't laugh at ourselves now and then :haha

I'm joining the SS

2007-10-02T10:29:00.000-06:00

Three weeks ago, my prayers went something like this:
"Dear Lord, I pray that your will would be done in my life. I also pray that your will would run parallel with my perfect idea for how my life should go. I know what I want to happen, but because I'm a good Christian, I also think it's a good idea that you and I are on the same page here."

Two weeks ago my prayers went like this:
"Uhhhhmm, Lord.....ok my prayers are kinda lame. Sorry! What I mean to say is, Lord let me be happy with whatever your plan is for my life...because You'll probably decide to test me again and my life will again suck."

I am constantly learning...and am also thinking about joining the SS: "Sanctification Sucks" group. I'm a pretty dense girl and it takes me weeks and weeks to re-learn the gospel in my life. Sanctification is definitely an on-going study and don't expect to graduate..at least not during my stay on Earth. Because even in a few hours...who knows how my prayers will again mingle with my sinful desires. But as of now, I feel completely happy and content knowing that God is actively working in my life. He isn't just a "life & death" God...HE is a God of the "daily details".

The whole - - being forced to crawl and humbly confessing the same 'ol sins I've had since I was born, IS kinda getting old though.
Hummmm...but I can also see that this is exactly where Christ wants me...because then I am FORCED to depend on him.

Water

2007-10-01T19:30:00.000-06:00

Last night I watched a 2005 Bollywood film called ‘Water’. This is one of these, “Anya is experimenting with low-budget foreign films again” type movie. Most of the time I find mediocre box-office flops….but the only reason I persist in my whimsical ways is that once in a while I stumble on a real jewel – like the one I found last night. Canadian film director Deepa Mehta displays beautiful cinematography and a gorgeous soundtrack of which I hope to buy soon. I haven’t seen too many Hindi movies so this was a unique experience.

Set in the 1930’s, Mehta explores the heart-wrenching truth behind the sacred texts of Manu and the laws prescribing the deprecation of widows. This film highlights a young girl who was married young enough to be a widow by seven years old. She is forced by her parents to join a sort of home for widows, where they jointly beg on the streets for their food and shelter.
I was about to tell all my futile thoughts on the movie…but am feeling suddenly lazy.
The only thing I have to say about it right now, is what a wonderful thing to be born in America, and born a Christian - - where the gospel portrays again and again, how widows are to be protected and cared for by the church.
It’s a good movie. You should see it if you have the same patience and enthusiasm for *off-ball foreign flicks as I do. :)

The Sustaining Grace

2007-09-26T15:34:00.000-06:00

Today I woke up and felt the sustaining grace of God.
*ok, that sounds dramatic..even slightly cheesy I know, but it is so true.
Many times I feel moments, hours, even days of feeling a constant stream of the Lord's grace. But this morning was different, because I realized that I have felt a peace about my life for the past 2 weeks. Don't get me wrong, this has absolutely nothing to do with a heightened sanctification on my part. No, I can tell that through the desires/idols that I keep demanding, the Lord is either taking the desire away, or giving me a satisfaction about not having them. In one sense, I know I'm depressed...but I'm not feeling like it. *am I weird?
Ok...don't answer that.
Anyway, this blog is just praising God for his sustaining grace in my life as I am going through a few hard times.

Throwing a Tantrum for Infantilization

2007-09-25T15:54:00.000-06:00

Popularity cliques ran rampant through my Youth Group - - They practically galloped.
It’s an “issue” that almost all Youth Pastors have to deal with on some level or another…and my Youth Pastor got the full dosage the first 4 years he was on staff at my church. I particularly butted heads with him about almost everything and found 2 million reasons why I shouldn’t listen to a thing he said. Who did he think he was anyway?
“I mean, he is like so totally un-cool and like totally tries to be funny but like…isn’t.”
Well, if I were in the shoes of my Youth Pastor, I would see this opinionated little girl influencing the attitudes of all the other little girls and strategically place her in the back of the room in order to keep her detrimental whispering to a minimum. Haha…thank God that my Youth Director is wiser than me. For some unconventional reason, he actually sought me out and saw me as some kind of potential leader for my peers. Instead of viewing me for the immature, giggling, whispering, clique-creating, brat that I was, he saw me as a child of God; with the same blessings and promises as any other “mature” Christian adult.

I remember him coming up to me after one particular mutinous incident (can’t recall which one), and with a smile on his face told me that he thought God had a HUGE plan for my life.
*hummmm, I didn’t like this at all. What the heck does he mean by that anyway! …as in God’s huge plan for me included something in the disciplinary department?
No, in the wisdom of my Youth Pastor, he continued to tell me how the ring leader of a gang, has in one sense, many of the same attributes as a leader in the church.
*haha looking back…that was a pretty funny comment that I didn’t quite appreciate at the time.
He told me that if I focused my social influence and creative solutions in the right direction, then I might be able to be a powerful tool for the Lord.
My Youth Pastor showed me the larger perspective; that even at the age of 14, I could in fact be an invaluable tool and participating member of my church.
In a sense, little ol’ me could advance the kingdom of God!
Wow! That was amazing to think that I actually had a job to carry out. God created me with certain gifts that I was obligated to use for His purpose and will.
My Youth Pastor actually gave me a chance to change. If he instead wrote me off as an immature girl, then I would be content to go on living in my “immature” sin. The bar of my adolescence was raised to a higher level than I was accustomed to- - - this higher level was Christ.
Over the last years of my high school experience, my Youth Pastor became my hero. He allowed me to become an active part in the small groups and let me feel like I was working alongside my Pastor, rather than under him. He let me know that he needed me and affirmed the abilities that God had called me to. I was the recipient in my church Jr. High and High School youth group for 3 years and an active member for 8 years, for which I am still apart of.

A friend of mine set me an article by Robert Epstein, (not to be confused with Greg Epstein, the Humanist I spoke about in an earlier post). Robert Epstein received his Ph.D. in psychology from Harvard University and recently wrote a book, ‘The Case Against Adolescence: Rediscovering the Adult in Every Teen’. In this book, R. Epstein refutes the common assumption that teens are simply “immature” and cannot be taught to behave like adults. He writes about how academic institutions are one of many who are responsible for the infantilizing of our youth. I think this guy has it right, and he conveniently breaks it down to five root misconceptions that society has generally accepted:

1. Preconceptions. We believe teens are incompetent and therefore "infantilize" them.
2. Performance versus competence. We see teens underperforming and assume that they are incompetent.
3. Personal experience. We have seen teens behaving badly.
4. Infantilization. We don't want to give responsibility to those who don't look like they can handle it.
5. Our own incompetence. We know that we sometimes don't behave in an adult fashion, but we focus on the shortcomings of teens and ignore our own.

In “The Myth of the Teen Brain”, Court Report does Q&A with Robert Epstein:

http://www.hslda.org/courtreport/V23N4/V23N401.asp

"Real Sex" IS real physical

2007-09-24T12:44:00.000-06:00

I was recently re-reading a few old emails, and found one from a young girl I used to counsel. She was critically thinking about the relationship she had to a young christian man. At the time she was struggling with one of the most common problems that all unmarried couples struggle with (young and old) - the dirty S word. She explained that *obviously* she wasn't going to have sex with the guy so we weren't really talking about a "sexual" issue....just a "physical" issue. She wanted some counsel about what rules to follow or help keep her within the bounds of a loving relationship.
I first addressed the issue with the whole "not sexual", but rather "physical". - Is there a difference?
I asked her, "You DO want to have sex with the guy right? You don't JUST want to be physical forever?"
She explained, "NO! I don't want to have sex with him now, so that makes this NOT a sexual issue."
"Ok, ok...let me get this straight,
"...you don't want to have SEX with the guy now? Or you don't want to have sex with the guy NOW?"
- Very important distinction in my opinion because if you don't want to have SEX with the guy now then maybe you aren't as attracted to him as you probably should be if you're heading towards marriage. On the other hand, if you don't want to have sex with the guy NOW, then you must just have a healthy attraction to him, but want to wait until marriage.
Obviously, this very point makes having "physical issues" a "sexual issue", and thus every Christian in good conscience with the gospel is scared to death of having sex before marriage.

Looking back to my last blog entry, I concluded by referencing the "tree and root" analogy. So it is with "sexual problems" within a non-married relational status. So many couples (including myself) prefer the "drive-thru" answer for relationships. As in: "tell me what to do, or give me a "can and cannot do" physical list for my boyfriend and I. It seems so nice and organized and rather exciting to try and accomplish this very OT method.

I can't speak for anyone else here, but in past relationships, I have found myself in those certain situations when both of you are standing by the front door or sitting in a car late at night. - - Well, as you can imagine, I am not digging through my purse for a printed out version of those rules so I know exactly what I can and cannot do. Even if I DID happen to have the list in front of me, I most likely would find 500 excuses for why MY relationship is sooo much different than everyone elses and therein justify myself.

Strict rules may in fact work for some couples who are mutually over-achievers and have a will of iron...but as for me and most of those I counsel, I find that a list almost causes me to think MORE about the physical relationship. Just as I would be concentrating on what I shouldn't do...I would likewise concentrate on what I CAN do, while simultaneously pushing the envelope.

Two years ago my aunt and I started reading a book called 'Real Sex' by Lauren Winner, and since then have read it several times. I feel like her perspective on sex, relationships, and God is more closely knit to the gospel than any other Christian books on 'chastity' or 'purity' that I've read. Though many of the popular "Christian dating" books may have been helpful to many in the Christian community, for me, they seemed to stress the "list" along with a breeze of gospel running through.
However, when I was reading "Real Sex" I noticed a remarkable difference in Winner's language and even her tone in which she spoke of sex. When Winner writes of chastity within singleness and sex within marriage, instead of referencing scripture now and then, she instead rides along the wave of scripture from beginning to end.
Who were we in the garden without sin?
What does it mean in a dating relationship to know that from the beginning of the world, God predestined us to be His new creation.
Who are we now that Christ has bought us at a price?
Do we have an eternal perspective on our present relationship, or are we just coasting through serial-dating?

Winner was a non-believer for much of her life, and now that her eyes are open to the Christian gospel, her perspective on Christianity is remarkably unique. She is able to express herself well by remembering her past, and the blunt, hopeless, self-satisfying life that went with it. She is also able to steer free from the piety that stems from growing up in the church and always feeling like "I have ALWAYS had it right".
This book has influenced me in how I would like to conduct my own counseling methods, and definitely helped me in a better understanding of Christ, which in turn provided a invaluable resource for this girl that I counseled.
I realized that as a pseudo-counselor myself, I can't help but feel like crap most of the time because whenever I hear about everyone elses messed up lives, I realize that my life is WAY more messed up than theirs. For when I give counsel, I have to make sure I follow that same advice and not live a double life.
You should totally read this book as well, if you haven't already - - I'd love to know if we come to the same conclusion.

Church for Humans

2007-09-23T18:22:00.000-06:00

I was listening to NPR the other day and heard Greg Epstein, who is a Humanist Chaplin at Harvard University, being interviewed on ‘Here and Now’.

I didn’t exactly know what “humanism” was, except that whatever it was, sounded extremely selfish and rather “stating the obvious”. So I am glad to say that it was enlightening to hear Epstein’s definition of what it meant to be a true Humanist: “A progressive life stance that without supernaturalism, affirms our ability and responsibility to lead ethical lives of personal fulfillment, while aspiring to the greater good of humanity.”
As the leading pioneer for one of the first “non-believing” church plants, Epstein calls himself a Chaplin and is hoping to hold formal services. These services are a time for the community to gather and affirm their common beliefs...or should I say, common disbelief. These services will also consist of a time for music and singing and shockingly enough, a message about being good for the good of others for goodness sake.
Sounds original, doesn’t it? However, I am reminded that over the course of history, there are pagan synagogues/temples/churches where fellow atheists, agnostics, and perhaps even…yes even Humanists would gather together in communal affirmation.
I wondered what exactly their services would teach, or to whom they were singing.
Well, that’s obvious. They are teaching that humans can in fact be “good” without God, and they are singing to…well themselves I guess...Epstein didn’t really touch on that issue.
He goes on to explain that as our modern world gets smaller and more diverse, people are just beginning to realize that other nations, no matter how fundamentally different, are just as capable of behaving as civilized human beings. Thus, there cannot be “one” religion if we all can be kind to one another.
Wait a second…did I forget that religion is all about works and being “nice” to our fellow, friendly Darwinian apes?
The climax of his statement was: “Maybe human beings created religion and not vice versa.”
Insightful? Not likely. Considering the very definition of a religion is that it is in fact man-made. Mr. Freud even said that religion is playing a role in society and that we actually need religion to appease our inner parent.
This is where I would have to say that though Christianity may in fact be a religion, it shouldn’t be lived out as one. For when it is stereotyped, Christianity compacts into a nice pocket-size that is easily pulled out whenever we feel the need for questions to be answered or needs to be met - - i.e. God becomes an obligatory slot machine. On the contrary side, true Christianity recognizes the living and breathing relationship that God initiates with His creation and the loving service to which God predestines us- - past, present and future for the good of those who love Him.

What I did like about Epstein’s interview was how he pointed out that every human is a social creature, and concludes that we all need community.
This is absolutely true…not profound, but true.
This very point deepens the gap in Humanism vs. Atheism. Atheism is an extremely arrogant dogma stooped in an individualistic conclusion that ultimately rejects dogma altogether. As opposed to the Atheist/God & church haters, Humanists accept community as well as god…well at least the god that dwells within. This makes this particular religion very friendly - - "How nice"
Come to think of it...that sounds a lot like Opera and Dr. Phil, doesn’t it? Maybe we won’t have to wait until hell freezes over to see Opera and Dr. Phil holding hands walking into church on Sunday morning.
That’s soooo great!

The more I learn, the more I realize how Satan is extremely crafty. He isn’t just having fun telling blatant lies. He loves to take the truth and twist it ever so slightly; ultimately making non-believers look a hell of a lot like Christians? The white sheep vs. the black sheep is becoming more like the white sheep vs. the gray sheep.
This topic convicts me of the strong temptation as a Christian to “ever-so-slightly”, blur the lines. How far can I go with having fun (as the world does), dressing (as the world does), talking (as the world does), and yet keeping my coat sparkling white until the Day of Judgment?
The answer is found in Psalm 51: 10-12. “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.”
Hummm…”sustain me oh God.” Yes, a daily renewal of my spirit so that I might fight the good fight, instead of sitting back and living in a self-righteous bubble of yummy, worldly, goodness.
Look at the fruit in my life. Is it turning a little gray? Instead of using the CorelDRAW airbrush tool to make it sparkle white again, why not look at the roots. Am I standing in the middle of other dying trees or am I planted by streams of water (Psalm 1).
If my actions are suffering, then the very foundation of my Christianity is suffering.
This idea makes me wonder about Epstein’s quoted statistical numbers that Humanist make up 20% of America’s religion.
I’m thinking that Humanists are far more widespread than only 20%...they just may not know it yet. If I have to fight every day towards not being a little humanist myself, then I’m sure many Christians are failing on a daily basis and even living under the cloak of the “Christian religion”, and yet living out as a true, hard-core Humanist.

This is the radio program:
http://www.here-now.org/shows/2007/09/20070920_2.asp

Youth Group's NEW CONTENT

2007-09-19T22:22:00.000-06:00

I am excited about Youth Group this fall. I have excellent girls in my group and I can't wait to see what our discussion time will look like. With some good advice (thanx Bethany)... I threw out my original plan of memorizing key scriptures, which corresponded with the systematic theology that Brandon is teaching, and will instead go through 'Morning and Evening'. I've gone through that book over the last 2 years and am excited to see what kind of new content I'll pull out of Spurgeon's text this time. It seems like the 2x's daily devotionals are so applicable to whatever is going on that day - - it's almost spooky. :) I'm praying for some serious conviction to take place this fall in my heart and hopefully a revitalizing passion in the hearts of "my girls" in Youth Group.
The music went well too....at least for not playing at all during the summer. HaHa! We tend to have a *slight* re-learning curve when it comes to piano, vocals, guitar and percussion...pretty all inclusive I'd say.
However, I must give particular thanks to Mr. F for his willingness to participate in the music group. His percussion added *spunk* and dare I say..........."he kicked ass!" :)
"Way to go Mr. F. You don't know how much that means to me."
On a *downer* note, I have to also say that allergies are having their way with me this fall. I have no CLUE what I'm allergic to yet, since this is the first time EVER that I've had any problems with itchy eyes. Come to think of it, when I was itching my eyes this morning, I actually think I sliced my lid. I know...only a person like ME would ever have a problem with slicing their eye lid with my nail. *oh brother
No blood though...just: itch + sting = Moowa type of problems :) haha
All this is to say I'm heading to bed now with a nice *drowsy* allergy pill.

How People Change

2007-09-18T09:40:00.000-06:00

This morning I woke up and it was raining outside with dark, ominous clouds on the horizon. "Perfect", (I thought). I love these types of days because they make me want to stay inside and get a TON of work done. Either practicing, studying more physics or re-reading "How People Change" by Timothy Lane and Paul Tripp.
Mom and I are going to start the "How People Change" study associated with a few women at RMCC. I've read this book about 7 months ago, and am excited to go through the workbook with more in-depth study this time.
Besides~I could probably use an in-depth study on this particular issue considering my last blog entry.
Recently I was looking back on a book called "War of Words" by Paul Tripp. Though it's obviously built of more focused content, it has blatant similarities to "How People Change" from the type of language used. They both speak of returning to the garden and through Christ, living as we were first intended to live. This always seems to hit me pretty hard with conviction and I'm excited to see what new concepts I am drawn to in this afternoons study.

Done being inspired...

2007-09-17T08:36:00.000-06:00

This past summer has been a flop in terms of practicing piano for my senior recital because I was frequently out of town working for my boss. So, this past Wednesday was one of the first days that I've had the opportunity to really practice piano as though it was actually "in my major".....meaning about 9 hours straight. Once I was finished practicing, I flipped through my music scores and found that I had actually learned and memorized about 32 pages of music. As you can imagine, this was extremely depressing, since I then realized that if I had practiced 8-9 hours every day for the past 7 years (like I was suppose to), I would have obviously accomplished a lot over my college career. Basically - - -I'm a lazy butt.
I marched my lazy butt over to the fall Youth Group kickoff, and found myself exhausted but sitting rather contentedly next to my friend Christina, who is always so joyful to converse with. She told me about everything she has been up to and how excited she is about this fall semester with school, youth group etc. From the dramatic contrast between her joyful attitude and mine, I realized that I was not only a "lazy-butt", but I was also pouting. Oh brother! Will I ever grow up.
Serving the youth group for the past 8 years has been a delight for me. I hardly know if I am affecting these girls with wise counsel or insightful prayers, (since my attitude is certainly not an example to follow)...but I do know, that I have learned more from these girls than I can ever hope to have taught them.
This opportunity to serve in the church has shown my sin in the spotlight, but as a leader I hope to keep myself as the example of what "not" to do, and keep Christ as the example of how to live a God-centered life.
For a while there, I was inspired to practice more piano. Well, I'm DONE with sitting around being inspired, for it is now time to kick my butt into action.

The Reflection of Jeannette

2007-09-14T19:44:00.000-06:00

Hold a mirror up to me
What reflection do I see?
A comely face they do proclaim
But underneath what bitter shame

A darkened heart by vanity
I justified as sanity
I clench my fist and through my tears
I defend my sinful years

I would not yeild I would defy
To my loved ones I would lie
I only sought my looks to save
But therein sends me to the grave

But gentle whispers in my ear
And told me what I would not hear
Expose my sin for what it is
And show the world my life is His

I would rather starve than see
All the love He has for me
God on high my soul will weigh
He’ll not let my heart decay

Fill me with the Bread of Life
Save me from the burdening strife
Never looking side to side
For a path that is more wide

Oh my God I feel so weak
Fight the battle for the meek
All embarrassment shall cease
Give a troubled soul some peace

Hold a mirror up to me
What reflection do I see?
But a man nailed to a tree

Humbled for my vanity

Through the worlds undying stare
I offer up an honest prayer
Clothe me as a perfect bride
And keep me close up to your side